Dear Diary,

I am really happy to work on Air TV in my University. I am really happy to be involved in all this shooting, editing, writing, directing processes. 
I am really happy that I am studying the subjects which I am studying. I definitely LOVE it.
I am so happy with all of that. I don't want it to end. I want time to stop. Because I have so much things to do..and I just don't want to feel nervous again.
I want to enjoy my life. But..But I guess that what real, grown-up life is - being nervous all the time. Trying to do smth, trying to make smth happen. And I guess the only way for me is to get used to that and start enjoying my life by distracting myself from my problems and things I HAVE to solve. If I have something to worry about - I should worry about it when I am doing it, but not when it is done.

Oh diary, I grew up too fast. I decided that I can live this life already. But normal 18year old boys and girls - they don't really have all this problems which I am facing. But that is what I chose. And I am gonna stick to it till the end.

xxx, Mary

Where am I going to?...

Dear Diary,

I am a mess. Complete mess. I just moved in to this nice flat and what...I already want to move out. Not because I like moving in/out. I actually hate it. But just because I feel like it is not my place. Not what I really fucken wanted. It makes me sick. I have so much things to worry about. And now this. Like..I don't know when I will be really calm. And happy. Like last year, for instance. Whatever.
I have visa problems, I can't find a job, I don't like the place I live in and I have no idea what should I do to transfer to Glasgow. I am a mess, Diary. And you know it. And I know it. Nobody else does. Yet.

xxx,
Mary

LOL. I've been invited for the Tea Party. That's so sweet. ha ha ha

Dear Diary,

Today will be a busy day. Actually, it already is. I really hope that Media Students Meeting will go well. I will try to sign up for a director job. I know I can do it. I know i can do it better than anyone else. And when you believe in yourself so much..It should be true, right?

I have a business lecture in 20minutes and I will have a business seminar at 4. And then that meeting at 7.
yay! Im really excited!
Maybe finally I will have lots of stuff to do?
Oh God, I really need to find a job as well, you know...Coz..Coz Im tired of being just a girl who goes to Uni and then to pubs and clubs. I want to be busy all the time - and Im sure it will make me happy.

xxx,
Mary

Dear Diary,

I think I am back to be Mary Vodka. The one who loves parties and alcohol. I love this Mary - she makes me feel alive, happy and so sexy.

But honestly...I wish i had a job. Because a hate that I have too much free time which a spend for fuckin going out all the fuckin time.
Please God, help me hind a jooooob.

xxx,
Mary

Dear Diary,

Right now I’m sitting in comp lab in the Uni. I feel a bit weird and ashamed writing here at this moment, coz a lot of people can probably see it and think I’m a weirdo. Maybe I am?
I don’t look like a weirdo though, I swear! I look nice today – amazingly nice. High heels, skinny jeans and push-up bra. Hahaha. Well, I guess I am a weirdo.
But isn’t it really cool to be one? I want to be Alice in Wonderland weirdo type. But well, Im not blond and not skinny as hell. And I think that how people really imagine Alice.
Well, I can be a queen from there. Crazy, moody, but not that bad after all.

I am meeting Chiara in 15 minutes. For some tea with milk and gossips. Lol yeah. I have lots to tell her. For example, how Manisha lost her job and how that Russian guy Dorian was dumped by his gf because he bought me a drink.

I love you, diary. I am so much honest here with you.

I am almost me. 

xxx, Mary

I can really use a wish right now.

Dear diary,

When I write here it feels like I am drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows from a big cup, sitting somewhere in the coffeshop with people around me.
I want to move to Glasgow so much. I am not a "Small town girl"! I am so not. This town is killing me. It irritates me - everything here irritates me. I don't know why. "Just." I used to love Stirling so much, but what happened? I don't know.  I guess I just got fed up with this small towns. Not mine. Not now.

Sometimes I think that maybe that is because of him..Like, maybe I just want to escape from a place where so much memories are still alive. Because everywhere I go I think about him. I feel like he should be here with me. Going to the pubs, shops, restaurants with me! Like he used to do.
But now he is away...Thousands miles away...And I am still here.

And I desperately need to change something! Otherwise, I will just fall into the depression and kill myself.

xxx,
Mary

post #1.

Dear Diary,

I am starting this all over again. I am a maniac. I love writing. About everything I can. I tried to twitt, but I didn't succeed. Not enough space...

My studies just started today. First lecture - Global Cinema. I love movies. But even more than movies i love understanding and realizing them. Because people just watch this stupid Hollywood shit - which does not have any ideas or any connection to real life - like sounds, special way of filming and so on.
I hate Hollywood movies. I love French ones. And British sometimes. But not American. Americans always try to make everything perfect - but in their perfection they actually loose the most important thing - the realistic thing.

Anyway, I am going to sleep right now.
xxx,
you mary <3