Here we go again

Hi Guys,
That's me again after a huge break in writing this blog.
December was exhausting! I was starring in a film as well as producing my own western called Gritty. Exams were in December too - so I had to prepare and pass them! I dunno the results yet, but hopefully they are high, because I am trying to do my best and just a pass mark is not enough for me. I want to be one of the best!


Unfortunately, the end of December turned out to be a tragedy. I could not get my passport back from the British embassy on time, so I missed my Christmas trip to Cyprus and had to stay in Stirling all alone. I was so depressed - I was just sitting in my room and crying because I had to be in Cyprus with ,y family instead of sitting alone in cold room back in Stirling.
I  came to St Petersburg only on the 1st of Jan, and I spent my New Year in London Heathrow.

But now I'm finally back in St Petersburg enjoying snow, time with my family and friends and of course my flat which I love so much. I'm gonna post some photos of my flat soon.

xxx, M.

Santa is coming to town and I'm going to Glasgow!

Hi Guys,

I know I've been a terrible blogger - totally forgot about you!
As an excuse an I can only say that I've been updating my Russian journal a lot - but it doesn't count does it?

Anyway, there've been a lot of stuff going on in my life. Firstly, of course my studies - it was a nightmare - I had to write 5thousand word assignment! But you can congratulate me - I'm officially over with it - and all other assignments and tests do not seem as hard as that one was. However, I still have my exams that are gonna come sooner that I expect, but let me worry about them in December.

Stirling does look much more "Christmasy" if I can say so.

Obviously, we don't have snow and it is still quite warm (well, +10c), but all the malls are now with all this xmas stuff and xmas trees on the streets - luv it!

I'm going to Glasgow on Monday to give my fingerprints, but hopefully I'll be done with it quite quickly and I can enjoy walking around Glasgow - I haven't been there since May, so I'm really looking forward to it!

xxx, M.

Can you feel the air I breathe?

Hi Guys,

I'm a busy-busy girl now. I'm spending all my time in the University - studying, working and filming.
From 9AM till midnight. Can you believe it? I come home around 1AM, take shower and go to sleep. In the morning I wake up at 8 and go directly to the uni with Starbucks tumbler in one hand and bag full of books and print outs in another.
I've never been so busy and so tired ever. But I enjoy it so much - u've got no idea. I totally love all that we are doing.
We are going to film last shots for the film today in the night - because it is a scary movie so it has to be dark hehe
But before that I need to finish my essay for Global Cinema, so I'm going to close facebook and blogspot and open Microsoft Office World.

That is me last week with my cats:)

xxx, M

tell me what you eat and I will tell you who you are

Hi Guys,

Sorry for not writing for a while - I've been busy with my AirTv job and studies.. I will tell you a lot about it - just a bit later.
This post I decided to dedicate to food. Not just food, but food I cook myself. I adore cooking, but unfortunately I don't know a lot of recipes and I don't have that much time. Also, I love cooking only if I am alone at home - not because it is a way not to be bored, but because I hate when people watch me cooking or interrupt me while Im doing it.
So yeah, I cook once in a while and it is not something fantastic or whatever. It is simple, but I love when it looks nice.
This are the recent pictures of my lunches.

 Greek Salad made in Cyprus with Cyprus ingredients. Believe me, it is very different from what you can make with ingredients from anywhere else. 











That is what I had for lunch about week ago. It is hard to see, but there is risotto with mushrooms and bacon. Also bread with vegetables and cheese. oh, and orange juice. healthy, huh?:)











And that is what I had today - just an hour ago - pasta with cheddar cheese and chicken. One half is also with pesto souse. Oh yeah, and cherry tomatoes.
To drink - berry squash. luv it.










xxx, M.

Dear Diary,

I just broke a fairytale. Not good. Not good at all.

Viva La Vida

Dear Diary,

Remember how I wanted to move out? Well, I am not sure now. Yeah, I am a mess, no doubts. Why did I change my mind? Well, because I am literally falling in love with my room. I made it so mine you know. It is so cosy, so sweet, so nice. I just can't imagine leaving it.
Well, I will move in February to that new place - that is so for sure! But I am not sure if I will move in November, like I planned before.
Because, yes, my room is really sweet<3

 I love the view from the window - especially in the morning, drinking coffee and seeing early sun - priceless.   

and this is my table. I love orange juice and love love my copybook and pink laptop hehe

something I definitely can't live without is a BIG mirror - when I just moved in it was not here, so I made my neighbour bring from somewhere. and bed is also cute. And that blue painting on the wall - later I will do a big photo of it - is done by my friend back from Russia. I love it so much - is it "Little Prince"

This pics are just amazing. I am so in love with them.

I know, tv sucks, but it is better than nothing anyway. I can still watch x factor on it, so that is okay!:)

what can I say? I don't have enough space in my wardrobe for my shoes

Dear Diary
Hi Everyone,

Yes, I decided that there will be to types of posts in this blog. One starting with "Dear Diary" - there will be my hopes, wishes, dreams, fears and thoughts about my life. And another one starting with "Hello Everyone" - that will be basically more about myself, what I am doing, my photos and other thing helping you understand what I am about and what are my surroundings:)

So, yeah, from now on it's gonna be like that.

xxx, M.

Dear Diary,

That is me, lying on my bed, eating cheesecake and drinking tea. What a productive day, huh?

Well, I am gonna go out tonight, actually. Right after the x factor show haha
Its gonna be a big group tonight - more ppl - more fun  and Manisha's BFF came today - lol, lets see what that girl is about. If I got it right she is quite boring and very shy. I dont like this kind of girls. Well, shy is actually okay. Boring - never.
I am not that big "girlzzz fan" anyway. I prefer to spend time with guys. For some reason, if there are no guys at the party - its not gonna be fun for me. I don't know why - I just can't live without guys. Can I be blamed for that? No, I don't think so.

xxx, M.

Dear Diary,

I can not forget that I am in love with him. I am sorry. But that is his key on my neck.

xxx, Mary

EVERYTHING SHOULD CHANGE ASAP!
coz Im tired of all this crap. arrr

Dear Diary,

I still remember this day. I was in India. My first day in India. I was afraid and terrified, but I was thinking about my future. That was good. Thinking hoping dreaming

xxx, Mary

Dear Diary,

I am really happy to work on Air TV in my University. I am really happy to be involved in all this shooting, editing, writing, directing processes. 
I am really happy that I am studying the subjects which I am studying. I definitely LOVE it.
I am so happy with all of that. I don't want it to end. I want time to stop. Because I have so much things to do..and I just don't want to feel nervous again.
I want to enjoy my life. But..But I guess that what real, grown-up life is - being nervous all the time. Trying to do smth, trying to make smth happen. And I guess the only way for me is to get used to that and start enjoying my life by distracting myself from my problems and things I HAVE to solve. If I have something to worry about - I should worry about it when I am doing it, but not when it is done.

Oh diary, I grew up too fast. I decided that I can live this life already. But normal 18year old boys and girls - they don't really have all this problems which I am facing. But that is what I chose. And I am gonna stick to it till the end.

xxx, Mary

Where am I going to?...

Dear Diary,

I am a mess. Complete mess. I just moved in to this nice flat and what...I already want to move out. Not because I like moving in/out. I actually hate it. But just because I feel like it is not my place. Not what I really fucken wanted. It makes me sick. I have so much things to worry about. And now this. Like..I don't know when I will be really calm. And happy. Like last year, for instance. Whatever.
I have visa problems, I can't find a job, I don't like the place I live in and I have no idea what should I do to transfer to Glasgow. I am a mess, Diary. And you know it. And I know it. Nobody else does. Yet.

xxx,
Mary

LOL. I've been invited for the Tea Party. That's so sweet. ha ha ha

Dear Diary,

Today will be a busy day. Actually, it already is. I really hope that Media Students Meeting will go well. I will try to sign up for a director job. I know I can do it. I know i can do it better than anyone else. And when you believe in yourself so much..It should be true, right?

I have a business lecture in 20minutes and I will have a business seminar at 4. And then that meeting at 7.
yay! Im really excited!
Maybe finally I will have lots of stuff to do?
Oh God, I really need to find a job as well, you know...Coz..Coz Im tired of being just a girl who goes to Uni and then to pubs and clubs. I want to be busy all the time - and Im sure it will make me happy.

xxx,
Mary

Dear Diary,

I think I am back to be Mary Vodka. The one who loves parties and alcohol. I love this Mary - she makes me feel alive, happy and so sexy.

But honestly...I wish i had a job. Because a hate that I have too much free time which a spend for fuckin going out all the fuckin time.
Please God, help me hind a jooooob.

xxx,
Mary

Dear Diary,

Right now I’m sitting in comp lab in the Uni. I feel a bit weird and ashamed writing here at this moment, coz a lot of people can probably see it and think I’m a weirdo. Maybe I am?
I don’t look like a weirdo though, I swear! I look nice today – amazingly nice. High heels, skinny jeans and push-up bra. Hahaha. Well, I guess I am a weirdo.
But isn’t it really cool to be one? I want to be Alice in Wonderland weirdo type. But well, Im not blond and not skinny as hell. And I think that how people really imagine Alice.
Well, I can be a queen from there. Crazy, moody, but not that bad after all.

I am meeting Chiara in 15 minutes. For some tea with milk and gossips. Lol yeah. I have lots to tell her. For example, how Manisha lost her job and how that Russian guy Dorian was dumped by his gf because he bought me a drink.

I love you, diary. I am so much honest here with you.

I am almost me. 

xxx, Mary

I can really use a wish right now.

Dear diary,

When I write here it feels like I am drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows from a big cup, sitting somewhere in the coffeshop with people around me.
I want to move to Glasgow so much. I am not a "Small town girl"! I am so not. This town is killing me. It irritates me - everything here irritates me. I don't know why. "Just." I used to love Stirling so much, but what happened? I don't know.  I guess I just got fed up with this small towns. Not mine. Not now.

Sometimes I think that maybe that is because of him..Like, maybe I just want to escape from a place where so much memories are still alive. Because everywhere I go I think about him. I feel like he should be here with me. Going to the pubs, shops, restaurants with me! Like he used to do.
But now he is away...Thousands miles away...And I am still here.

And I desperately need to change something! Otherwise, I will just fall into the depression and kill myself.

xxx,
Mary

post #1.

Dear Diary,

I am starting this all over again. I am a maniac. I love writing. About everything I can. I tried to twitt, but I didn't succeed. Not enough space...

My studies just started today. First lecture - Global Cinema. I love movies. But even more than movies i love understanding and realizing them. Because people just watch this stupid Hollywood shit - which does not have any ideas or any connection to real life - like sounds, special way of filming and so on.
I hate Hollywood movies. I love French ones. And British sometimes. But not American. Americans always try to make everything perfect - but in their perfection they actually loose the most important thing - the realistic thing.

Anyway, I am going to sleep right now.
xxx,
you mary <3